Tanya Semerad 0:00
Tanya Semerad 0:08
I'm Tanya Semerad, former lawyer and business leader turned coach, and you're listening to high performance made simple, the show for people who want more clarity, influence and wellbeing, so you can live and lead more courageously unlock your full potential, and inspire others to do the same. Let's do this.
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Hello, my friend, I'm so glad you're here, because in this episode, you'll gain self clarity, and finally be able to answer the questions. Who am I? Who is the best of me? And who do I need to become in order to level up? Gaining self clarity is really bad ass. Not many people can do this kind of work. Not many people are strong enough. Not many people want something badly enough, not enough people want to make the change a significant change in their life. Many people will not do this work, because you got to dig. And digging is difficult. It's painful, especially, especially when you haven't got to the duels yet. So this isn't for the faint hearted. And I want to celebrate your honor. recognize you. You're not the type who sticks your head in the sand. But you can be excused if your palms are a little sweaty, you know what I'm saying?
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This is a super serious subject, but doesn't mean we have to be all super somber about it, we can have a little fun doing it right? Yes. So as Socrates said, To Know thyself, is the beginning of wisdom. And as I said in the last episode, clarity isn't something that just happens once, we have to begin the process of gaining clarity and then maintain it. And the best way to think about this process of getting to know yourself is gaining clarity, one jewel at a time.
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Think of clarity as jewels. And the more you collect, the more clarity you get. So in this episode, you're going to collect your first few jewels of clarity by discovering who you are being who the best of you is, and who you need to become to take your life to the next level.
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And when I say next level, it is progress, faster progress, more momentum, it's more meaning. And it's also bringing more joy to the journey. So what is the point of this gaining clarity business? What happens when you gain and maintain self clarity? Well, you're in the world of knowing yourself, you know yourself better, you get that mental clarity that can feel so good, you feel good about yourself, and where you're heading in life. You know who you're becoming, and how to level up. It's not a mystery anymore, not just plowing away hoping something good happens. You spend time intentionally learning, building and challenging yourself. Getting clarity makes you present in the moment, immersed, drenched there with people seeing them engaged in what you're doing. And a whole heap more energized to getting clarity takes your business and creativity to the next levels. Because you can actually apply yourself, you can apply what makes you unique, what makes you memorable, and you do it in a way more relaxed way and people feel that energy, then it feels that weird pressure when you're desperate for stuff. And when you're so relaxed, you can have more fun, you know who you are, you know why you're doing stuff, you're more relaxed, you can bring more of that joy to your work, have a laugh more. Now imagine really enjoying yourself really, truly enjoying yourself while you work while you're in your relationships. You're having fun, even when stuff gets hard. And having more fun is not just for the blondes, either. A big mistake I made in my early 20s was to get a head full of blonde highlights just to find out I mean, the volume was great. And you know what they say the higher their hair the closer to God. But I confirm it wasn't more fun. It's not what is on your head that matters, but in your head and heart that counts. So what if you don't gain clarity of self? What if you don't do it? What happens to you then? Well, nothing major happens. You more or less exist. You go along with life. You could say you're coasting through, you're more likely to just focus on what's put in front of you. Focusing on the wrong things to helping other people build stuff without any vision or intention for yourself. You hope you're
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works out, you don't know how to make decisions, let alone be confident about the stuff you have decided on. So you tend to change your mind a lot. Without self clarity, you doubt yourself more. And doubt is the killer of dreams. A bit like that scary movie series with the ghost in the mask wielding that knife in the window, doubt becomes the loudest voice in your head, tapping on that window, telling you not to try too hard that it probably won't work that you don't really know what you're doing.
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And because you doubt yourself, you miss out on the right opportunities, the ones that come by, and the ones you could be making happen for yourself, because you're hesitating, you're waiting for input waiting in the wings, he can't see yourself, he can't recognize yourself in the opportunity and feel confident about the decision he can't commit. So without cell clarity, you rely on other people to tell you how to think how you should feel what you should do, especially when making those important decisions about your relationship, whether to stay or whether to go whether to start on or not about your job, you're relying on them to know everything about you and you don't even know yourself, you're waiting for input about your business. Instead of following your own reference point. You don't have your reference point, it's an other people and that stuff always changes. It's it's anxiety creating, when you live without self clarity, you have no Guiding Light, you have no clarity, jewels. So you're more likely to compromise on your values to don't know who you are, it takes way longer to reach your goals and your dreams, even when you have an inkling of what they are. Or you never quite a bridge that gap between where you are and where your goals are. And when this happens, people become better, not better. And I know you know some people who say things haven't worked out for them in life. They're not the happiest people are they? Actually the biggest issue I've noticed in people who don't have self clarity is that they're super prone to distraction. They're always off doing something, they can't sit still with themselves very long. They need company, even if it's a doggy, then dogs are cute. No issues there. But without self clarity, you're allowed being entertained. I mean, who's walking who
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you become a distraction addict. Self. Ignorance isn't bliss, it's battle, you crave more and more of that distraction, more TV, more social media, and that is an endless feed. Then a notification goes off and you flick over to the news. It's endless scrolling, consumed by what other people are doing it gossip, you read the magazines, you're addicted to constant activities, excessive exercising, excessive eating, excessive drinking, excessive gaming, maybe even a sex addiction, my goodness, you'll do anything, to try to feel good to fill the gap to take your mind off what you feel is missing in your life. You escape your life, you become an escape artist. Well, that sounds cool. It's not. Another giveaway for people who don't have clarity of self is that they're unable to meditate. I don't mean to sound harsh here. I do it because I love you. I do it because I want you to succeed in your life. I want you to be happy. And when you can't sit with yourself in silence, it tells me that you don't like what you're saying to yourself. You don't like what's in your head. It becomes difficult to steal your thoughts becomes difficult to breathe sometimes, and so just need to get out of there. Now, don't get me started on the distraction of drugs, the distraction of drugs as a habit in people's lives. Those antidepressants, recreational drugs, cocaine, MDMA, magic mushrooms, people numbing themselves numbing the thoughts that they can't seem to control numbing the emotions, they can't seem to shake off when the real problem in my very non medical opinion by choice, it is against my values to prescribe drugs to people. So I don't want to do that. In my opinion. It's that people don't know who they are. They don't have self clarity. They're trying to make decisions today as an adult based on decisions and experiences they had in the world when they were teenagers. Using the clarity they got once upon a time in high school or at university to then dictate the rest of their lives. They set the plan up then and now they're doing the plan. They gotta stick to the plan and it's all the plan, but this plan isn't making them happy. So now they're turning to distractions to give them a lift to lift their spirits. The thing about
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clarity is that we need to gain it and gain it and gain it every day, you need to be able to check in with yourself. You need to have those healthy habits set up, that gives you space to realign with the best of you with your truth with your deepest desires. This is what high performers do they have created that space to get and maintain that self clarity. They're not playing the expectation game. They're not blaming other people for stuff that hasn't worked out for them. They're not saying oh, well, it's the pressure that mommy and daddy put on me. So now just to just have to keep going. I'll tell you what, if I accepted the pressure that my parents had on me, I'd still be a lawyer. And there are many people in my circle of friends who are no longer with us. Because of that expectation, that level of pressure. But when you have self clarity, you're able to make decisions with confidence in alignment with who you really are, and what makes you happy. You're able to make changes in your life despite having started stuff. I studied law and international business and qualified as a lawyer, I was practicing as a lawyer. But doesn't mean that just because I did it, I had to stay with it if it was making me unhappy, or if I didn't enjoy the practice of it when I realized that it wasn't like the movies.
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I'm allowed to make changes, but and I could do it with confidence because I had self clarity. I understood the next steps for me, I mapped them out. And that came that started with the foundation of self clarity. And it's not just work, it's across your whole life. You know, if I stayed in the relationship that was really loving, but kept doubting me kept doubting my ability, kept doubting my ability to get a higher paying job, doubting my ability to start my own business, then yeah, I would be pretty, pretty sad. I may even be depressed. Because I have self clarity, I was able to make change. Now if I stayed working in the same jobs I was in with average performing people, then yeah, maybe I'd also be quite sad and low then to her because I've got self clarity, I knew which changes I needed to make.
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I was almost knocked off my chair at breakfast one morning, I was sitting with a friend who has been struggling with a lot of self doubt, amongst other things, and has been on antidepressants for about 17 years, maybe more. I remember have had dad looking over at me. And he's really sweet, really sweet man. He said to me in a really sweet, really sweet voice. Tanya, you're on antidepressants, too, aren't you? I couldn't believe it. We'd created a culture of expecting people to be on drugs, a culture of people avoiding themselves a culture of people numbing themselves. Parts, this is an all natural Hi, I'll tell you that much. And I'll tell you anything else you want to be able to get it yourself to. Because I believe that when you get this self clarity when you understand who you are, what you want, and what steps you need to take to bridge the gap between where you are now and where you want to be in terms of your desires and dreams and goals. You don't have time for distraction. You actually don't I don't have time for so many things in life. I'm pretty cutthroat with where I spend my time who I spend my time with. And I'm really dialed in, I'm focused on the activities I'm doing. high performers don't have time for distraction. And if they do, it is scheduled in it is intentional distraction, something that is not related to the achievement of their goals or whatever it is. It's about enjoying some time enjoying pop culture, going to the movies doing normal fun stuff. Yes. You might be thinking Tanya, this drugs thing is completely irrelevant to me and good. Just be aware that other people are struggling with the distraction of drugs, it might look fun. It may look like they're having the time in their lives. They may look really successful and happy because it comes with lots of bling, bling and other stuff that they're doing maybe, and if this is you, if you are someone who is struggling with drugs, or you're doing it because everyone else is doing it, and it's just part of your weekend routine or something you do every now and then or it's just a little bit. I'm just here to remind you that you've got some other options. And I also want you to have some fun feeling yourself. Yeah, I said that finding yourself feeling into who you are what you really want. Stripping away the expectations, stripping away the habits, just getting naked with yourself again, and figuring out what makes you happy. Figuring out what you want, figuring out what lights you up, so you can get excited about stuff in your life. Again, it's that you have so much good going for you, you forget to take the drugs, you don't have time to go out as much because you are building, you're building something that matters, you're building something that is important to you, you're building something that will serve the world in the way that you want to show up. The worst part is that people don't even know this is happening. Distraction as a habit is sneaky sneaky. People don't know they've just hit a plateau in life. And they just need more clarity drills to go to their next level to free themselves. My point is that all these struggle moments are asking you to get self clarity. They're saying there's another level for your mate, there is another level available to you. You're not done yet, there's more you can think there's more you can feel there's more you can do, there's a higher level to serve that even if you don't know what that is. It is calling you and waiting to reveal itself. So if you needed a sign to get clear on who you are, my friend, your struggle, your indecision, your distraction, is the sign. And you're still here, you're ready to know thyself at this stage of your life to trust yourself more, to step up to feel really good about who you are and who you're becoming. So we're, let's collect your first batch of clarity jewels with self clarity.
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For the rest of this episode, you will dial into understanding how you're thinking right now and how the best of you thinks and if there are any discrepancies between the two, you can start to understand who you need to become to level up. See, yes, you're welcome. I told you this would be good, you will start to see how you need to think in order to go to your next level. Remember that faster progress, greater meaning having more fun along the journey. I promise that in future episodes, we will talk about getting clear on how you want to have relationships with people, how you want to manage your emotions, and also how to manage tricky situations you find yourself in, but this Work comes first cell clarity comes first because it is the foundation for all that good stuff to come. So if you're in a relatively private space, able to write or type you are prepared. If you've downloaded the clarity chart I made for you available at www dot Tanya lesley.com forward slash clarity chart, then you are ahead of the game, my friend. But if not, no worries, let this episode meet you where you are at right now. Just use the questions that I'll start to ask to understand how you think and just answer them in your head. Of course, you can get the clarity chart later and capture your thoughts there. Before they slip. All I ask is that you put your device your screens on Do Not Disturb right now, if they aren't already there. This may feel uncomfortable, but it's part of the discipline that high performers have cultivated and you know, that's my favorite D word there reducing that distraction. And it will only be for about 10 or 15 minutes, you can do this. Right paperwork is done. Let's get started part one of two. In part one now we want to understand how you're speaking to yourself and I've got some prompts to help you get a handle on that. First prompt. What did you think to yourself when you first woke up this morning? Did you think oh no. Oh, morning already or not again. I'm so tired. I really hate my job. We excited to build something. Here we go. Another challenge. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I love my work. I love that I get the opportunity to do what I do. I'm excited to create today. What did you think when you first looked in the mirror? Did you see the stuff you don't like your flaws? Surprise, surprise, still fat. I'm not ripped enough or all this effort. Oh my. Is that a new wrinkle? Oh, heavens. Or did you greet yourself nicely? Did you give yourself a nice salutation? Hello sexy. day out. You're looking fine girl. Love that look for you. Wise and Foolish surprise what did you think to yourself when you failed at something when something didn't work? Did you call yourself me names? stupid, useless get. She's now now I'm really going to be found out and probably fired? Did you give up? Maybe this isn't meant for me. I'm trying but it's not working. Maybe I should stop? Or did you take the self awareness road? That ownership road? The challenging of yourself road? Something like Right? Well, that didn't go to plan. But there's something for me to learn here. What is it? And how can I be better next time? Or did you talk yourself through growth? Hello, gosh, that hurt that really hurt. I feel a bit embarrassed. But I know growth hurts. It's evidence that this is an opportunity for me to be better and I'm going to challenge myself to be better. How can I start today? Let's flip it. What did you think when you succeeded at something something really worked out for you? Did you say What a relief? Oh gosh, work this time but I'll be found out sooner or later off. Do you celebrate for two seconds and then impostor syndrome reared its ugly head? Or did you really acknowledge yourself? Celebrate what happened with other people? I can do this. See what? I can't wait to celebrate. I can't wait to bring this home. You know what? Let's raise the stakes. I want to aim higher. I want to do better. I want to serve more. How can I start that today? How about this? What did you think when you saw someone else with the shoes? The watch the car the house that you like, but don't have yet? Did you get all peanut butter and jelly? Oh, it's probably fake anyway. We can all be trust fund babies. Can we nice for some G feels so far away from that. That's just never going to be me as it I'll never be able to get that. Or did it spark some excitement? Some celebration? Love that. Gosh, that's beautiful. Good for them. It must be so comfy. I want to how I can make that happen for me. How could I make that happen for me this year? What would I need to start today? Final prompt, what do you think to yourself when you feel hurt or upset? or offended by someone? What do you think to yourself when someone has really offended you? Do you play the blame game? Oh, it's their fault, not mine came out of their mouth? Well, if they changed, everything would be better. Clearly they're the source of the issue. Of course I was going to react like that. Who wouldn't? They were asking for it. When do you take the self awareness road? It might sound something like this. Wow. I feel triggered. can feel that in my chest? My hands are feeling funny. No. What is it about that conversation that triggered this reaction in me? How can I handle it better next time? How can I step up next time? Okay, that's part one done and dusted. And you are doing so well. The inner work is simple, but I never said it would be easy. This is called High Performance Made Simple. Not high performance made easy because that would have been a dirty, dirty lie. If it were easy. Every Tom, Dick and Harry will be a high performer. And I can tell you they're not even the ones you think might be. For all my fellow perfectionist listening, there is no need whatsoever to analyze or dissect your current thoughts. This isn't therapy. This is coaching. Yes, there might be some crappy thoughts in there. But they also might be pretty darn good. Especially considering the tough times the challenges, the hurt you've been through. Now we've had to be pretty bad ass in that part, haven't we to really look ourselves in the eyes, really see ourselves will how we've been how we've been thinking because thoughts are the ancestors of actions. You've heard it before. What we think becomes what we say what we say what comes up we do what we do becomes our habits. The stuff we do automatically. So this is why we start with clarity of self. We did that exercise to get us Starting point marked on the ground. No, it's not you forever unless you decide it to be of course, it's just you before, like the before, enter before and after picture. So there's no time for self criticism because we are moving on to part two, my friend. This part is the matter of life or death, the life of your goals, your progress, your happiness, or the death of them, living with that little dead feeling inside looking forward distraction. Oh, it's heavy. I know. So let's have some fun when we do this part. And it's gonna be fun, because we're looking into your future. This from now on is about your after picture. The vision for you and who you want to become how you want to be. Now is the time you've been waiting for now is the time you get to define the best of who you are. Now is a time and get to take a good look at your potential and who you can become at your next level. This is so great. Let's do this. What's one word that describes the best of who you are? Come on. I know you've got some maybe got plenty. You're struggling just to choose one. That's okay. We didn't choose to anyway. But for this, what is one? Are you patient? You are kind person you energizing for others? Are you super thoughtful? Are you calm under pressure? Why is that word important to you?
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Okay, what's another word that describes the best of who you are? Tell me, why is that word important to you? And now, what's the word that describes the best of who you need to become? What describes you at your next level? How do you describe the version two of you or the next version of you the upgraded Who do you need to become to be that person? Now if you're stuck, think of something from your before picture thinking that you know you need to stop. Got it? Now think of the opposite. That word describes who you need to become. Okay, so what would happen if you lived this best of you word every single day starting today? How would your life look different?
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And finally, what is driving you? What is worth all of this struggle? Change is hard. So who are you willing to fight for?
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Why? So, who is the best? Have you say your words out loud or if you're on public, whisper them absolutely own them. Remember, if there are any discrepancies between part one and part two, that is showing you who you need to become. It's showing me more ways that you can step up. It's showing you the gap between where you are now and where you want to be, and building that bridge for you. So to close that gap, you need to take steps to become this best self starting today. So what can you start today? What can you stop today? Okay, my three words that describe the best of me and who I need to become are inspiring, authentic, and reasonable. Let me tell you why. Inspiring because I have to motivate and inspire myself. I own my own business. I'm a self starter. So I need to move me are going to manage everything about my day, my business, my health, my relationships, how I move around the world, everything. So the word inspiration reminds me to be this way. It also reminds me that I don't have to do it all by myself. That guidance is available to me whether it's from my coach, from my mentors, from my friends, from my partner, my frickin adore. The word inspiration also reminds me that I can have new energy available if I want to. Because when you're inspired You have this genuine excitement, you feel that new energy and it's available to me, I just got to do something different to tap into it. I've also got the word authentic, so that I'm reminded to listen to, and honor myself on what I really desire, not just what I think other people want me to do, what I think I should be doing based on the upbringing I had, or whatever it was authentic desire is my truth. And when I bring my truth forward, it gives other people an opportunity to align with me or not. Now, this is really good for relationships as well. But we'll get to that in another episode. My third word, and my stretch word for bridging the gap between where I am now and where I want to be, is reasonable. Now, I also did the work just like you in part one. And I realize that I'm pretty hard on myself, not just sometimes, but a lot of the time, I set high, often unrealistic expectations of myself, and when they all don't work out to plan, because of course, I've got my dreams mapped into yearly objectives mapped into monthly goals, weekly stuff, I got to do daily stuff, I got to do hourly stuff I got to do. It's all worked out. So when it all doesn't happen, according to my plan, I wasted too much time focusing on what went wrong. Whereas when I see my word reasonable, I'm reminded to be reasonable with myself to acknowledge the failure and more quickly move on to the solution. It's an opportunity cost to dwell in what went wrong. And when I move forward to the solution, when I'm reasonable with myself, it sets me up for the win. There's so much power in gaining the self awareness you've gained today. As with most things, though, we can either use them once or twice and forget about them, or actively use them every single day. So don't keep on forgetting what you wrote down. The whole crowd goes so loud, open your mouth, let yourself words come out. You've got cell clarity now, my friend, you've got this. So your challenge should you wish to accept it is to decide right now that you will live from the best of you the words you articulated today, that you will bring these best of you words into your head and actually say them to yourself, say them out loud. Open your mouth, let the words come out. Before Your time's up, overpower. I couldn't resist myself, right? Oh, there's more. And you step back to reality Oh, right. And you get back into who you've always been. Nothing changes. It's another new year. And other birthday, you the same. So let's be smart about doing this. Use your alarm, your Reminders app, and pop yourself clarity words, right there into the label. I also love to have sticky notes of these things randomly placed around the home. I like to think about my clarity of self words, first thing in the morning before anything else, once I become conscious that I'm awake, rather than once I become aware that I'm conscious, I keep my eyes closed. And I just think about my words and how I'm being them today. It's part of my morning routine. It's part of how I get set up. So please do this before you check your email. Do this before you even poke your phone. Then I have reminders set for lunchtime, and 3:30pm. And these reminders are a little haven time. They give me a little check in moment and opportunity to get a cup of tea and take a hot minute to reset my mind to let go of whatever's happened in the day and to refocus on how I want to be. I love hearing about how my clients words have flashed up on their screen. Sometimes they've been mid meeting yet pretty naughty look at your phone, but they did the work. And it completely changed how they were in the meeting. It changed the conversation, which changed the outcome of the meeting. It is fantastic. I also have the words printed out and up on the wall next to my computer, I can see them. I'm continuously reminded of what I value, how I want to think no matter what's going on that day, no matter how tough my day has been. Or if there's been an argument or there's been a lot of pressure that I feel so you get bonus drills if you put your words up on your wall too. Thank you so much for listening. I hope you enjoyed this episode. And if you'd like to support the high performance made simple podcast, you would really make me smile. Please share it with three awesome people. Maybe they're your mates with the people you work with, maybe it's your partner in your life love upon them, help them get self clarity. It'll make everything so much better. Kidding jokes, we get one shot, so don't miss your chance here to go up to your next level. To catch the latest from me. You can follow me on LinkedIn at Tanya Semerad or Instagram at Tanya underscore highperformance and I look forward to tuning in with you again soon. Ciao for now.