Tanya Semerad 0:00
Hi I'm Tanya Semerad, former lawyer and business leader turned coach and you're listening to high performance made simple, the show for people who want more clarity, influence and wellbeing. So you can live and lead more courageously unlock your full potential, and inspire others to do the same. Let's do this
Tanya Semerad 0:49
Hi, there friend, I'm so thrilled you're here because you're going to get relationship clarity. By the end of this episode, you'll understand how you want to show up with work with love with and treat all people in your life, the people you know, and the people you're yet to meet. How exciting. Honor the brilliant advantages of gaining relationship clarity is having just the one personality consistently across your life, you can be the same person at work, it can be the same person at home, the same person at the gym, it can be the same person in the supermarket, or places you interact with people. When you have relationship clarity, it can totally save yourself from acting out those additional personalities that you think you need to step into. Or think you need to please people with or think you need to maintain a certain standard, right, because that causes stress having to chop and change and remember who you've been with different people, or how much of yourself to be with new people, or how to be in your professional life, versus your personal life. Being that love panda at home, you'll get that with relationship clarity. So with this, you'll create a reference point for how you want to be with others. So you can be consistent, confident and authentic, show people who you really are. You also get to show people some of what you expect in your relationship with them. Because you become that role model, a role model of the values that are important to you in dealing with them. And you create the opportunity that allows the other person to meet you there. Whether they align with you or not is an entirely different story. Yeah, but it depends on so many factors, including how much they know, like, or trust you. But getting relationship clarity for yourself is the foundation of being able to connect with people, and also move them whether we like it or not, we're on this earth with other people. And I won't lie there are some days I would love to go to a deserted island, be completely alone, drinking pina coladas by the ocean. As the sun shines on my face, I feel all warm and giddy knowing that I won't have to see another human for many, many days. If you want even more space than that, you can go to outerspace. I've heard, it's about 13 million. So if you've got 13 million of disposable income, then go. If you don't, that's fine. But you can be here with me and learn how to deal with other people in ways that makes you happy. But even if you did get that 13 mil spare disposable income, I'm pretty sure that's a shared rocket ride is shared ride just like shared who bus is going to be extra for the solo ticket, I'm going to look into it. So what are relationships are all about anyway, it helps to think about our understanding and definition of relationship. Because the longer we are in life, the more we've collected experiences and ideas from other people about what it means. And it might not be right, it might not be right for who you want to be who you are at your next level. So let's just check in with that. When we look at relationships and what relationship means it describes a multifaceted experience, a multifaceted experience of being with other people, a state of being connected, kinship, mutual dealings, and hopefully some mutual feelings that are wonderful. So we're looking for that mutual dealing or mutual feeling that exists between people. That's a hint of a relationship. Obviously, we're talking about people in this app. Yeah, not pets, because I love pets, but we're just focusing on people. So it's the correspondence between you. It's the telling stories, it's reporting, it's bringing information forward. It's a sense or state of being relaxed, sharing an affinity with another person or Alliance. This could be with a single person or a group of people. It's about sharing a bond. This bond can also be romantic or sexual, I know you're waiting for me to get to that. And I did. So the definition that really got to me that like I felt like in my stomach was the sense of state of being relaxed. Because how many of your relationships would you call relaxing, more taxing, I say, especially when you're working hard towards stuff. So when we understand the full spectrum of relationship, we can see that it applies pretty much across our whole life, we've got relationships everywhere, with colleagues, with clients, with prospects, we've had maybe one introduction with, with loved ones, with people at the gym that we bump into with people on public transport, we don't want to bump into because it's so busy. And we're like, nose to armpit as they're holding on to the rail or the legs are touching. And there's our who's relaxed in that environment. Anyway, we're wired for relationships, we're wired for relationships, because of survival when more safe with another person, or in numbers. And this will always apply as a survival mechanism inside of us. But it's not everything is it, especially today, when we've established that we could already know someone that we already like them, and that we already trust them. When that happens, we want something more. We're looking for that deeper connection, that kinship, that alliance that alignment, and we want it with the people we live with, and the people we work with. And our bodies also reward us heavily. When we connect with other people, we get a rush, you know what I'm saying that oxytocin, that dopamine, other neurotransmitters is a cocktail of good stuff going on in our bodies. But even without the science behind what makes us feel good in relationships, it just makes work life so much easier, doesn't it? When you can have a laugh with someone, it makes home life a whole lot easier, when you can get along with people and really, really communicate really connect from your bond. This is why I want you to have relationship clarity, to know how you want to show up with other people, and then actually make it happen. This is also the starting point for becoming a person of influence. So if you're a leader, or an aspiring leader, and you want to be someone who is known for their ability to inspire, as being someone that people listen to turn to and follow, then you have to have relationship clarity, you have to know how you want to serve them, you have to know how you want to connect with them. This is leadership in many forms in our organizations at work. So corporate organizations, in our families, leading families and leading people that we have a responsibility for properly, it's leading our friends, it's helping them make better decisions for themselves. It's leading our relationships. So you get to create your style, your leadership style in all of these areas, when you get relationship clarity. Even if you're not focused on leadership, I bet you've got goals. I know you've got goals, and you've got to be able to move people, when you've got goals, you've got to get stuff done, you got to get their skin in the game. There's also a level of inspiration there. And you'll get that with that relationship clarity. So to get relationship clarity, you have to define three key areas for yourself. One, you have to know what you want to give to people, too. You have to know how your best self shows up with people. And three, you have to know who you need to become in conversation, to level up to get that progress, meaning and joy that you want in your life. It's deceptively simple, yes, but it's one of the reasons that people don't do this exercise. It's the reason that people overlook this exercise. So when you don't get relationship clarity, you're more likely to Bumble about the world. You Bumble about the world feeling insecure, trying on different personas, different hair colors, trying to get a reaction from people, you might have a good run for a while. Rather than have a crisis, you have to run for a while then have another crisis. And the cycle just repeats itself. You're trying to understand who you are and how you want to interact with people. But you don't have clarity, you don't have that consistent reference point, when all you really need if you're finding yourself in any of these situations, is to collect some good old relationship clarity. So let's get started. I'm going to
Tanya Semerad 10:29
prompt you through those key areas, those three key areas I ran through. And all you have to do is think about what your responses would be. You can capture your ideas and responses in the relationship clarity PDF I made for you. And I'll share the link at the end of this episode. And I'll also pop it into the show notes. You can also use pen and paper if you'd like. But you don't need any of that. Just have a think about it now. First, what is most important for you to give to another person? Think of one or two things?
Tanya Semerad 11:14
Second, how would you describe how the best of you would interact with others? Think of one or two things.
Tanya Semerad 11:30
Third, imagine the goals that you want to achieve in the next month. Who would you need to become with other people in order to level yourself up and interact at that higher being? What is something that you're not doing now that you know you need to start doing what would that be? Think of one or two things?
Tanya Semerad 12:03
Third, think about the goals you want to achieve next month. Who would you need to become with other people in order to level yourself up and make them happen? Think of something that you're not doing right now. But you know, you need to start doing in order to level up. What is that? Think of one thing.
Tanya Semerad 12:30
Step one for me, the most important thing for me to give to another person is care and empowerment. I'll demonstrate at least one of those in pretty much any conversation I'm in. For example, when I lived in Melbourne back when I was in Australia, I saw a young lady talking some on the phone, she was crying and wiping floods of tears. With her spare hand I could just tell it wasn't really going anywhere. It's just redirecting the flow of flow of tears. And it was in an alleyway. backstory. Melbourne is known for its super cool alleyways, I wasn't being a creep, there's lots of art, there's famous graffiti, that kind of thing. And I was taking a shortcut pass on my favorite cafes in one of these alleyways. Anyway, so I noticed her standing there, it was near a fire escape door, which I imagine was the back door to her work building, she was escaping something in that building, it really looked like it so I care, I can't help it. So my demonstration of care was to reach into my bag and give her a nice thick tissue. And also a supportive smile before I walked on with my journey. In other situations, say when I was in the office and someone was super cross about something, maybe they were really embarrassed because they'd been thrown onto the bus by someone or something really unfair happened or whatever. I demonstrate care by giving them a kind ear, and also some time to get away from the building to get some fresh air. Now, I don't usually have hours to sit with people, but I could give 10 or 15 minutes, a chance to catch their breath and also then empower them by helping them to reset. I wanted them to reset so they could let go of some of the aggravation they had and remember who the best of them is. So they didn't ruin the rest of their day. They remembered who they were who the best of them is and brought that into the rest of their meetings. For step two, I described the best of me interacting with others when I'm authentic and energized. I always regret it when I don't share something that's on my mind. Has it ever happened to you when you wish had spoken up? You wish you'd said something and you kind of kick yourself when you leave because you didn't you Whether it was an idea when I was in a meeting room, or more serious, you know, standing up for myself, I easily stand up for others. But let's say for myself, you see, I also regret it when I don't hold someone accountable. And I don't hold them accountable for their actions or what they've said, for many reasons, I don't do it because I don't want to embarrass them. Sometimes I second guessed where that was my place to say anything. But then I saw everyone's suffering anyway, because it delayed us moving towards a solution and also set a bit of a nasty precedent for average performance. And no one likes average performance in any room. I also say the word energize, you know, like to have fun. I say the word energized because the best of me in my interactions is when I'm high energy. I know scientifically, that high energy that vibration transforms low energy lifting people's spirits, and connecting people better. I used to call it building connective tissue. It's wonderful. And I feel people's energy often before they open their mouth. And I bet you felt that too. You can tell by people's facial expressions, posture, or they're just emitting something that you're like, Oh, I felt that. So I've noticed that being energized also helps me speak more authentically, it helps me stand up for myself, especially when I need to step up could be slightly confrontational. Because when you do it with a happy, high energy as opposed to a low negative energy, it's always better received. Am I right? Or am I right? Okay, for my third step, when I imagined my goals and my action steps for the month, the way that I can step up with other people is to be clear. He believe it I know one of my favorite see words. So when I'm blocked from doing something I need to do say the technology has failed, or the meeting hasn't worked out, whatever it was the obstacle, I can get swept up in how stressed I am. And I then forget to provide the facts and figures, to the personal people that can actually help me overcome the obstacle, and move me faster towards achieving my goal. So the way I can step up is to be more direct and clear with what I need help with. I've also noticed that when I get to the point, or when I get to the problem, people are way happier. And way more fast in how they helped me is wonderful. So when I string these all together, my relationship clarity is this care, empowerment, authenticity, energy, and clarity. These are my values, and they inform how I am in all of my relationships. Of course, I adjust myself to the relationship or the situation I'm in. But without straying from my foundations, I stay true to who I am. And I'm able to give others my best because I am clear on how I want to be. I'm not just reacting to them based on how I perceive they've done something or what I perceive what they've said actually means because it might not. So your challenge should you wish to accept it is to get your relationship clarity to define what you want to give to people, to define the best of you in conversing with others, and to define who you need to become to level up in your conversations. So that you can achieve your goals you get the progress, meaning and joy that you want in life. So download the relationship clarity PDF at WWW dot Tonya leslie.com forward slash relationship clarity and think about your next interaction. Where are you now? Where will you be shortly? What's an important conversation you need to have? Now how can you use a couple of your relationship clarity words as sentence starters for that conversation? I like to wiggle my words in to how I communicate with people. And even with watch I communicate people. So for example, clarity, I can say something like, You know what, I usually get caught up in telling you what went wrong and how I feel about it. I'm going to cut to the chase, I hope you don't mind. What I need is this. Can you help me? That's how I bring clarity while still being kind into my conversations. How could you bring one of your clarity words into your evening today? So I hope you enjoy bringing your relationship clarity to life by having a conversation today that wiggles in one of your relationship clarity words. Thank you so much for listening, my friend. I hope you enjoy this episode. And if you'd like to support the high performance made simple podcast, then you could say that we are in a relationship, how exciting. Please share it with other people you're in relationship with. Choose three, three awesome people you're in relationship with. Maybe they're your friends, maybe they're people you work with, or maybe it's your family. To catch the latest from me. You can follow me on LinkedIn at Tanya Semerad or Instagram at Tanya underscore highperformance. I look forward to tuning in with you again soon. Ciao for now.