Tanya Semeradova 0:00
This show is not for the faint of heart. If you're craving personal growth that goes beyond the surface level, then you're in the right place. Get ready to unlock your mind. Unleash your authenticity, ignite your purpose and passion and fortify your emotional resilience. Say goodbye to drum and distraction and hello to new potential. As a former lawyer and business leader turned certified High Performance Coach, I know what it takes to excel in life. I'm here to push you beyond your comfort zone. Challenge your beliefs and spark a transformation that will revolutionize the way you work, have relationships and your well being. You've already taken the first step by being here. So buckle up, because we're about to go on this life changing journey together. Are you ready? Let's do this.
Unknown Speaker 1:10
Hello, and welcome. It is so nice to have you here. Let's talk about self doubt and impostor syndrome. So many people despite their wins, or accomplishments, or selfless intentions, are held back by self doubt or its ugly cousin impostor syndrome. These causes reduce our impact. they hinder progress, they keep us distracted. They lead to burnout, perfectionism, undermining our self confidence, and really, overall, reducing our well being. But no more because by the end of this episode, you'll understand exactly who these cousins are, how they show up at work, and get seven big ideas for overcoming self doubt and impostor syndrome. Now, I want to start out by saying that it's normal to doubt yourself, it's normal to not be confident all the time to question yourself and wonder whether you've got the skills or experience to handle something. Even Olympic athletes, this level of performance, they feel this doubt, but it's what they do with the doubt that determines whether they go for gold or not. When that 400 meter sprinter gets to that starting line, there's all sorts of butterflies in the tummy, and uncertainty about their ability or their likelihood of winning. But these successful runners, they're really channeling that energy. What they're doing is turning that doubtful, anxious energy, into excitement to be their gratitude to be there. They're using that energy as fuel. They're feeling that energy as confirmation of being alive, having earned the position they're not feeding themselves are the sharks of doubt and anxiety, giving up in the heat of the moment and going back to the locker room. These doubtful anxious feelings are also normal in business, we lack confidence. Sometimes we question our decisions. We question our competence, skill, our self worth. But it's what we do with that doubtful energy that will determine what happens next. Do we hold back back down? Let other people distract us from the real issues, our objectives, the impact we want the progress we need? Do we let it keep our heads down and mouth shut in the heat of the moment? Only to talk later about what we could should or would have done if this had only happened or someone had done this or that or whatever? Would we face the fear? Do we look it in the eyes lean closer in, but it feel the warmth of our breath? heck do we simply expect it to be that welcome it even as evidence of being alive as confirmation of you leveling up. It's what you do with the doubt that determines your impact, your progress and your legacy, my friend, and ultimately how confident you feel, how satisfied and happy you feel about your life and how you're spending it.
Unknown Speaker 4:15
Imposter syndrome, on the other hand, is a little more intense. They're the cousin that drinks too much at the family wedding, stealing attention with their loud, very concerning opinions about politics and everything else under the sun and they take everyone down when they have their stumble. Imposter syndrome is more persistent. It'll tell you that you're inadequate, that you're undeserving of your success, or of having a seat at the table you're at despite the evidence of your competence and your accomplishments. So instead of bringing new ideas to the table and being the leader who challenges people to step up, being the role model that you need to be
Unknown Speaker 5:00
you fade into the background, you get into your own head. And you hear this cousin saying things like, Oh, it's just a matter of time until you found out. No, you're not as good as they are. You're a fraud. You're so inadequate, or how embarrassing this cousin is mean. Again, however, we're all prone to this way of thinking from time to time, especially when we're impressed by others achievements, or just Gosh done intimidated by people in the meeting? Well, I will have to give a special exception here to narcissistic personalities because narcissistic people, they do exist. Unfortunately, they're in our meeting rooms, they're in our families, and they join us through in laws to
Unknown Speaker 5:48
these people don't really have a problem with impostor syndrome. In fact, they have quite opposite thoughts. They demonstrate behaviors that are in alignment with those opposing thoughts. narcissists think that they are entitled, they expect favorable treatment or special privileges. They lack empathy for others, they constantly need some kind of attention or admiration. And they exploit and manipulate others to get what they want, without any genuine consideration for the well being of the other people. narcissists have a grandiose self image, a sense of importance, believing their unique, exceptional and deserving of special recognition. But on the outside, yeah, they look pretty competent, they're outspoken, they don't hold back and they don't back down. They just seem to blurt stuff out rather, naturally, in a lot of instances without much thought. But this isn't the type of self confidence we're aiming for as high performers. It's not real self confidence. We care about our impact, we care about others, we want to leave a meaningful legacy that we feel deeply proud of, because we sense that we're really leaving the world a little bit better than we found it. You want to inspire others with our example, not waste their time or undermine their value. So on this note on narcissists, please do be careful who you're spending time with, because these guys will do anything to achieve their goals. And in the process, they will say and do things that will have you questioning your self worth, it'll send any hint of self doubt, or impostor syndrome into overdrive. Anyone who does undermine you, or cause you a fraud, gaslights, you suggest that you're not fit or that you don't have the right skills, when you do is probably a narcissist. And what they say has absolutely nothing to do with you. Because anyone who cares about their impact mean, you're listening to this, you obviously care about your impact. And anyone who does will, from time to time feel doubt. Sometimes it is persistent for periods of time, especially when you're trying something new. But remember, is what we do with the doubt that matters. So to dislodge that grip that the old cousins doubt and impostor syndrome may have on you, I've got seven big ideas for you to consider. And to try out for yourself. The first big idea is know why you're there. Now, this may be a wild suggestion. But what I'm saying here is to remember why you're in the meeting room, why you're part of the project, why you're there to serve others are the people, yes, you could reason that you're there because of your skills and accomplishments. But that's where the cousins attack.
Unknown Speaker 8:53
So instead, we're gonna remember why we're there, which is to serve others, that meeting, that conversation, that pitch, that project was never really about you. And it never really is about you. It's about others. And that meeting is about how you're all showing up to better serve those other people. So the aim of this first big idea is to get you out of your own head. We tend to make things about us how we think how you feel. And we completely forget why we're there in the meeting, which is in service of others. Remember, in business means in service, so by serving others, and better giving them what they want. Yeah, we are more likely to hit our financial targets. But again, those targets serve our bigger dreams, which usually have to do with other people, namely our families. By setting higher standards at work, we're more likely to create a healthier culture, a more inclusive, collaborative culture that serves others, well being and inspires creativity because people feel safe.
Unknown Speaker 10:00
And this really serves everyone when we set these higher standards. But we only get to benefit when we remember why we're there in the first place, which is to work together to serve others better. So the next time you're feeling doubt, in a meeting, feeling a little impostor carry, your challenge is to move the focus away from yourself, to remember why you're there, and who this is all about. Because you'll free up mental space, you'll free up capacity, you'll free up creativity, to have meaningful conversations, contribute more openly to discussion, and maybe even lead it. What I love about getting out of your own head, and leading by example, is that you get to set the standard for others in the meeting. Now, anyone who feels compelled to talk about themselves or their accomplishments, they are rerouted, re routed to how to use those experience to better serve others.
Unknown Speaker 11:03
The second big idea is to know your values, you've got to know what you value, what you stand for. When you're clear on your values. You develop a persona, and influence persona, if you will, that is clear, calm and confident in oneself. And when you're clear, calm and confident about who you are, you'll stop compromising your values, you'll stop letting others tread on them, you'll walk in with a straighter back and a bigger voice. You can use your values to set those highest standards with others set new expectations for how others should communicate with you. And you'll remind people of the values of the organization as well. values have the unique ability to attract and repel people. That's why I love values, people who share the same values for excellence, innovation, and contribution, they tend to attract the same and they repel people who value doing the bare minimum, claiming other people's ideas and riding on their coattails and not bothering to prepare for meetings, you repel those people. So when you're clear on your values, and you demonstrate them, so you embody them and you walk your talk, you're able to challenge people to step up, or step aside off my favorite step up or step aside and make room for people who actually align and want to be there, and more powerfully. So if you're in a leadership position, so listen up. If you want to do or review your values, which you really should do at least once a year, to make sure that you're really demonstrating and embodying the right things and leveling up staying relevant to your objectives. Then listen to episode 16. How to build your influence persona and personal brand for business. Also, listen to episode 14, how to reduce overwhelm. That's also helpful when you're juggling a lot but don't want to be a clown.
Unknown Speaker 13:03
The third big idea, learn the science of influence. Yes, there is a science, there are clear steps. But we find ourselves overthinking what to say or do next all the time. We don't know there's a sign. So we're overwhelmed by how many books on influenced there are out there. But when we're unsure, we sit there thinking. And before we know it, we've either said nothing, we've said the wrong thing. Or we've chosen the wrong time.
Unknown Speaker 13:34
Either way, the real moment has passed to have influence. But what if you could exactly know what to say to have more sway with people? Again, we know it comes to the science of influence, it comes to very clear steps. When you have the steps, you completely remove overthinking, you remove the silence you substitute the silence and self doubt for influence and action. So anyone who is a high performing leader or is very influential, they are always doing these three things in every conversation and piece of communication. Here we go. One they're teaching people how to think to they are challenging them. And three, role modeling the way when you're teaching people how to think you're explaining how you achieved what you're asking them to do. And you're doing this while explaining the significance of the request. And you can explain that significance through how it fits into the greater business objectives. So really seeing that larger map, and then drilling down into how that fits into Team objectives. So a section on that map, and then how that fits into individual goals. So a specific tree on that map. Second, when you're challenging people, you're either directly challenging them you know, do this action by this
Unknown Speaker 15:00
time, maybe you're indirectly challenging them my personal favorite, which is coaching them through questions that gain clarity and urgency, or you're using a combined approach of indirect and direct challenge. Now, I always recommend starting with indirect challenge, especially if you have a team, or especially if there's a bit of a confusion as to what is supposed to happen, or unsure of roles, responsibilities, expectations, maybe you're new, maybe you want to re establish yourself in some way. Maybe it's a new relationship, it's good to ask questions, directing Fievel, telling them what to do by what time. So indirect challenge is my favorite because it allows people to get their skin in the game, you help people own themselves, and their contributions to the work. Finally, when you're role modeling, you are walking your talk, you're being the example. Or you're providing examples of people or companies, whatever is relevant to your situation, that have successfully achieved what you're asking his person to do. It doesn't always have to be you remember that. But you do need to walk your talk. We all know the saying, people won't believe the message if they don't believe the messenger. Now, you have to get used to doing these three things, teaching people how to think challenging them and role modeling the way and you can learn exactly how to take these influence steps by listening to episodes 17 how to increase your influence and impact and 18 how to motivate your team, then we will dive deeper into the science of influence steps.
Unknown Speaker 16:53
The fourth big idea for overcoming self doubt and impostor syndrome is expect difficult conversations. Even people who are connected by a mission, a vision and values will still find some conversations and situations and decision making difficult now we still have our own insights and preferences to reconcile with the greater group or the other person if there's just two of you. And chances are the reason that you're meeting or speaking is to create some kind of progress. So you've got to remember that progress requires change. And all change has elements of uncertainty, which is scary, no matter how many times it has been done before. So you've got to hold a safe space for people to speak openly without punishment, with clear rules of engagement, know those great standards that you set, so that people can move through change. Now, if a gross misalignment remains or the the objective has changed significantly, guess what people need to be able to try on whether they still want to be a part of it. Don't hold that against them if they don't, and don't hold it against yourself, if you're the person who isn't able to align with the new agenda, despite you flexing all of your influence muscles, and good intentions for being in service to others. Now we evolve and we grow and we're allowed to have new adventures, if we can't align. I also like to apply this idea to difficult tasks, I expect difficult tasks, they signal that I'm growing, that I'm going into a new unknown level. And that's causing fear, tension, some anxiety, I make sure during these times that I take calculated breaks and be more breaks than I usually would. And I make sure that in those breaks, I'm checking in on my thinking, I'm changing my thinking from, oh, I have to do this too. Oh, I get to do this. This practice shifts my energy from negative, frustrated, anxious, to more positive, open and energized. So not only is the experience will be so much better, the result is so much better to not to mention and much nicer to be around.
Unknown Speaker 19:20
The fifth big idea is make it a habit to recognize and acknowledge your achievements, my friend. Yes, we must integrate our wins. This means we must internalize the achievements of things. We're proud of any progress we've made within who we are. And we must get into the habit of doing this on a weekly basis. That's right, weekly. Do you remember what your achievements were three weeks ago? How about two weeks ago? How about last week? Exactly. We don't remember or we can't remember quickly enough to respond without internal
Unknown Speaker 20:00
causing these wins, were waving over to the cousins who self doubt imposter syndrome. Come join me for lunch. I'd love to hear what you have to think about me.
Unknown Speaker 20:11
So, I love journaling. I love planning, I love prioritizing and one of my amazing clients, Sarah from England, recommended to me the six minute success journal. So every single day, week and month has clear priority. It has reflection, space, and review space. And every single week, I'm prompted to review not only what needs to get done, but to reflect on what I've achieved. Now, I needed this next level journal because before this, I just have my notebook, my calendar, meeting reminders and to do lists, which is very functional and helpful, but it was missing the wind integration. Now, I am very positive person while still being realistic. And I'm someone who loves building things, whether it's people, businesses, muscles, if you follow me on Instagram, you know, I love the gym, and I have a track record to show for it. I've got certificates to prove it, testimonials that verify it. But even though I've had a lot of success with my work, sometimes I succumb to self doubt or full blown impostor syndrome because I've forgotten my wins. Now I recently had a narcissist, say that I'm a fraud. Now this narcissist doesn't really look like one.
Unknown Speaker 21:37
They're undercover narcissists. But they said that what I do and who I am is fake and not up to the standard. And even though I knew they're a narcissist, who's let's be real, never done an honest day of work in their life, and have more, you know, did not submit or outright failures than actual wins. I took the comment to heart.
Unknown Speaker 22:02
And that's because I hadn't been integrating my wins. But that's changed now. I lost too much time, too much confidence. I'm now integrating my wins on a regular basis, I'm making it real, even if it's a token gesture to myself, or I intentionally have a conversation with someone else about it, I'm integrating it into who I am, I'm integrating these winds into who I am.
Unknown Speaker 22:32
And actually, this narcissists, comments have become worse lately. But now I'm unaffected. I see me for who I really fully AM. And that is what matters. I'm choosing what I do next. And that empowered action. Remember, it's not what you do, when you feel doubt that matters. It's what you do after it's how you channel that energy. And if I can do it, my friend, you can do it too.
Unknown Speaker 23:03
The sixth big idea for dispelling doubt, and impostor syndrome is challenge negative self talk. Now, as creatures of habit, we get used to thinking the same thoughts, the good ones, and the bad ones, we get used to him. And when we're wanting to level up, to change to transform, or just try something new, we end up grappling and wrestling with the thoughts we've always been thinking, because we don't know how else to think we haven't been on that new level yet. So we don't know what it takes, what are those thoughts even going to be? So this is when you've got to surround yourself with reminders, with a coach or coaches with positive friends with people who've done the work and can mentor you. Because a bit like a rubber band, you are stretching, but you're gonna want to go back to the comfort, you knew back to how you were before the stretch for something greater. So you've got to make time for leveling up. And this means blocking physical time. It always comes down to this because we're all busy. Yeah. So you've got to block physical time in your calendar to deliver on specific actions. So there might be specific books that you need it you need to read the right books, you need to listen to the right lectures, you need to go to the right coach, you need to plan need to book meetings and networking events. Need to get clear on your goals and standards. And all of this is possible, no matter how busy you think you are. Now, counter intuitively, the point behind this idea is to not take yourself too seriously. So you're challenging self talk. Don't take yourself too seriously, my friend. When you hear the negative chat, don't banish it and make yourself wrong for having the thought. Instead, I want you to get curious and
Unknown Speaker 25:00
If I dare you to get caring about that doubtful voice, thank it for being concerned about your well being, and reassure it that you're safe and well and excited. We subconsciously talk ourselves out of the change that we want on autopilot by habit. So what we're going to do is consciously talk ourselves into things until those new things become our new habits. Doing so well. The seventh big idea here it is, for overcoming self doubt and impostor syndrome is to redefine failure. Now, there's nothing worse than when something doesn't go to plan. And that little voice says, See, I knew you couldn't do it. You weren't good enough. And now, you've been found out. When that voice says that. I encourage you again to acknowledge it, and say, Oh, yes. Isn't it interesting curiosity? Isn't it interesting that you say that? Gosh, I understand that you care about me, and you want to protect me from failing. So what we can do now is see this as growth. This discomfort is evidence of learning and is actually required for progress. I mean, all of those books we've read, I'm so happy that we've learned this now. Thank you. What you're doing is you're completely shifting gears on the thing. So I recently did an indoor triathlon challenge. And I was partnered with my guy with a couples partner challenge we won, by the way.
Unknown Speaker 26:37
But what I heard at the post drinks are something that really resonated with me and if you're into fitness, you will know about something called Dom's delayed onset muscle soreness, my goodness, I'm talking, lowering yourself onto the toilet seat.
Unknown Speaker 26:54
So my goodness, one of the guys at this event said that he calls it cogs, so it doesn't say Dom's, but he says cogs, cogs stands for confirmation of gains. I love that. We've shifted gears on the soreness and pain, to evidence of growth. And my friend reframes, don't get much better than that. So a shout out to my mate Nikki Lopez for raising money to build a school in Ethiopia. This is what the charity triathlon was all about. Now, this is what actually what it's all about is in memory of a friend that passed away before his time. It was Nikki's friend's unfulfilled dream to build a school in Ethiopia. So Nikki is carrying this dream forward, and breathing life into it. Talk about good people. If you're keen to support the crowd fund work nan de casa Education Foundation, check the link in the show notes. And thank you so much for listening. I really hope you enjoy this episode. And if you'd like to support the high performance made simple podcast, you dispel any doubt from my mind about whether this show is useful? Believe it or not, please share it with three awesome people. Maybe they're your mates, your colleagues, or your partner in life. And to catch the latest from me. You can follow me on LinkedIn at Tanya Semeradova or Instagram at Tanya underscore highperformance. And I look forward to tuning in with you again soon. If you have any questions, requests for topics, please let me know. Ciao for now.